Into The Fire
by lifewillout-always
Summary: Re-write of Dreams On Fire. If you loved that, you'll love this! What if Derek didn't die? Explore the AU where Derek didn't die, where life continues to go on after his accident and recovery. Love, family, friendship, and medicine revolve around our main characters. MerDer with some Omelia.
1. Into The Fire

Meredith couldn't pinpoint when her world stopped turning. Was it when the police started to knock at the front door? Was it when she finally stood up to answer it? Or, was it when she was told that there had been an accident, and she was told 'Mrs. Shepherd, you need to come with us?' Or really, was it when she had arrived at the dingy, old hospital that seemed to be falling apart more that it was being held together? She turned up her nose at the puke green walls, the outdated ER, the doctors that rushed around that seemed like they had no life to them or any idea what they were doing.

'There was an accident', she had been told.

'He's alive but it's touch and go', they had said to her.

She didn't want to hear those things. She just wanted to see him, to see what needed to be done. She also just wanted him out of this horrible place. Where even was she? This wasn't the Seattle she knew and loved. This was a shithole.

The officers who had come to the house had been extremely understanding as she quietly broke down in front of them, trying not to upset Bailey and Zola. They had come inside and led her to the couch, bringing her water and trying to calm her down enough so she could drive to the hospital. They quietly told her what had happened: he saved the lives of four people, before getting into his car. From what they knew, he had been hit by a semi, and brought to the ER in critical but somewhat stable condition. How they knew these details, Meredith didn't know, but it was enough to cause her to hyperventilate.

Eventually she composed herself enough so that she could go upstairs and called Zola and Bailey. Zola was first. She opened up her bedroom door to find her daughter paging through a book, and she swallowed.

"Zola, we're going for a ride in the car, okay?" she said, bending down and putting a pair of sneakers on her feet with her pajamas. Zola followed her to Bailey's room, where Meredith changed his diaper and came downstairs with both children. The officers had gone by now, so Meredith grabbed their bags and headed out to her car, trying not to cry the entire time. She felt like she was in a haze as she programmed the GPS, not even knowing where she was going but following the voice guiding her.

The ride to Dillard was pure hell for Meredith. She seemed to hit every red light, peering through the rain-streaked windows as she drove to the edge of the city. Once they were there, she rushed inside with Zola and Bailey, thankful Bailey had fallen asleep quickly in his stroller. Once she had said who she was, a social worker quickly took the kids from her and a resident met her, leading her back to Derek's trauma room.

"His condition is critical; he's had several surgeries already. He hasn't woken up yet but he has pupillary response which is –"

"I'm a surgeon," Meredith snapped at the red-head, stepping into the room. Drawing the shades and shutting the door, she took a seat next to her battered husband, tears filling her eyes. Just this morning he had been in their bed with her, the pair of them having sex as they agreed to have another baby. Her head couldn't wrap around this fact as she took his bruised hand, giving it a tight squeeze. Nothing could have prepared her for watching her husband in a coma, unable to move or breathe on his own, and she felt the tears automatically springing to her eyes, unashamed. Tubes and wires came from almost every part of his body; machines breathed for him, measuring input and output, his blood pressure, heart rate, an arm and a leg were in casts, his head had a bandage wrapped around it that was already leaking blood. His body had more sutures than she could remember seeing on anyone, and more tears leaked from her eyes.

"Oh Derek," she whispered, her heart aching in her chest for him, for them, for their children. She knew it would be difficult for anyone to see their spouse in such a state, but she was a doctor. She knew his odds.

After awhile of being with Derek, there was a small knock on the door.

"Come in," she called softly, her head resting on the bed. The red-haired resident came in from earlier to check up on Derek, and Meredith sighed with discontent.

"I'm Dr. Blake, I was in surgery with your husband, ."

"It'S Dr. Grey," Meredith said with a steely glare, forever correcting people on her name.

"Oh, um, I'm sorry Dr Grey," she told her, biting her lip hard.

"Well I'm sure you know, he has brain activity which is great, we just have to wait for him to wake up," she told her, and Meredith glared at her again. What was this second or third year thinking? Was she stupid?

"I'm aware of these things, I'm an attending," Meredith said flatly, before turning back to Derek, annoyed now. She felt Blake leave the room and Meredith started crying all over again.

* * *

She fell asleep at his bedside, and soon enough the attending on the case was waking her up.

"Dr Grey," he said, and suddenly she was wide awake.

"We need to know what you'd like to do. We can take out the breathing tube and see if he breathes on his own, or we can keep him on life support and see if he wakes up." Meredith merely blinked, the choice obvious.

"You're all damn idiots here. He's being transferred to Grey-Sloan memorial," she informed him.

"Get me the transfer papers, now," she barked at him, her green eyes steady and angry. When she was upset she meant business. The doctor, to his credit, seemed to shrink within himself.

"Right away, of course," he said, as Meredith pulled out of phone to call Amelia. She knew that Amelia needed to know. She picked up on the first ring, knowing that Meredith wouldn't call at this hour if it wasn't important.

"Mer what's wrong?" she asked sleepily – Meredith had a feeling she was at the trailer with Owen.

"I need you to sit down, Amy," she said, standing up and pacing around the room.

"Okay….I am," she said, swallowing slightly.

"Derek was in a severe car accident. He's alive, but barely. There's brain activity but he's in a coma. He's hanging on by a thread but I think he'll be okay, eventually," Meredith told her. She could hear the other woman on the other end, slowly drawing in a breath and trying not to cry.

"Thank you," she eventually said, before hanging up wordlessly. She knew Amelia dealt with pain in an entirely different way than she or anyone else was used to; she only hoped that Amelia wouldn't turn to drugs or alcohol. Sending a text to Owen, she told him to make sure that Amelia was okay, and to stay with her until Meredith could get to her herseslf.

By now, the transport to GSM was ready, and Meredith gathered the kids up so that they'd be ready. He was being transported by helicopter, and Meredith followed his gurney to the landing pad, her stomach queasy. Watching the helicopter take off, she leaned over and threw up, holding her hair out of her face. One of the doctors asked if she was okay and she brushed them off.

"I'm fine," she said, walking inside to get the kids without another word.

* * *

Back at GSM, she dropped them both off at daycare, thanking god it was 24 hours. Derek was quickly set up in the ICU, and Meredith settled herself into an uncomfortable chair as doctors rushed around him. They weren't anyone she knew though – everyone she knew wasn't allowed to take care of him, since they were all considered family. Richard came in to make sure she was okay, and eventually Amelia came, wearing mismatched shoes and looking like a mess. Her face was streaked with tears as she took a seat opposite Meredith, the two women sitting vigil by his bedside. There had been no changes in the past few hours, but his stats were still holding steady, fortunately.

"Should we call your mom?" Meredith finally ventured, knowing that their mother would want to know her only son was hanging between life and death. Amelia merely shrugged; she still didn't have the best relationship with the Shepherd matriarch. Meredith bit her lip; instead of calling she sent her a text message. She knew it was impersonal, but she also knew that if this were her son, she would want to know any way possible. Carolyn quickly responded, and as anticipated, she was distraught. The two texted for awhile, and eventually it was settled – she was getting on the next flight out to Seattle, which made Meredith nervous. She was already a wreck, and having his mother there would make it worse, but she knew they all needed someone else right now.

For hours, Meredith and Amelia sat by his bed; the sun had come up and was shining high in the sky. Cruel irony, she thought, that it would be another beautifully sunny day when Meredith's world as she knew it was crumbling around her. She couldn't take this, she wanted to do something else, but she had to sit in this chair next to Derek, should he wake up or even move the tiniest amount. But alas, there was no change. She let herself slump in a sitting position, her eyes half closed as she kept an eye on the monitors, but before she knew it she was drifting off to sleep, her head resting against one of the bed rails, a hand held in his, hoping he could feel it and would give it a squeeze, but to no avail. She knew she shouldn't give up hope, but it was hard – she knew the odds of him waking up, even if he had brain activity.

Carolyn rushed in no less than ten hours later, as the sun was setting and casting shadows in the room. She found her daughter and daughter in law both asleep with her son between them, and she gasped at the sight of Derek. Meredith stirred, looking up at Carolyn as she began to cry again.

"I feel so lost," she said quietly. She was trying to be strong for everyone, like she always was, but this was pushing her limit at this point. Swallowing her pride, she let the tears fall as Carolyn wrapped her daughter in law in her arms. To her credit, Amelia didn't wake up, sleeping through Meredith's breakdown.

"Shhhh, I know it's bad now but you have to hold onto hope," she told her daughter in law. Meredith struggled with this; she had been brought up with medicine – everything she knew was surgery. Surgery fixed things, but she knew she had to trust something else this time. She didn't expect it however when all the alarms started blaring in the room.

Derek was coding.

* * *

 **So…complete rewrite of Dreams on Fire has commenced! Let me know what you guys think, please? I'm excited about it. My writing has gotten better in the two years since I wrote the story, and we know so much more about Meredith and the Shepherd family since I wrote it, which is why I wanted to rewrite it in the first place. I think I can make the story even better than you guys already think it is, and make you guys love it even more! Please read and review!**


	2. Saturn

Meredith was in an absolute panic. She had no idea what to do at the moment. Well, that wasn't exactly true. Dr. Grey knew what to do. But Meredith Shepherd, the wife by the bedside? She had no idea what to do. For a moment she sat frozen in place, staring in horror at the screen that showed Derek flatlining, his chest failing to rise and fall anymore, before she regained her bearings. Jumping up, she pressed the code button on the wall, and suddenly the room was filled with doctors and nurses and she was shifted into the background, tears streaming down her cheeks. It wasn't for a few minutes until one of the ICU doctors spotted her, ordering one of the nurses to escort her out of the room.

"You can't make me leave!" she cried out, as the surprisingly strong nurse grabbed her by the arms and pulled her into the hallway.

"I work here, I'm a doctor!" she cried, knowing that the ICU doctors weren't as familiar with the surgeons.

"You're family right now, not a doctor. You can't be in here," was the reply, as Meredith situated herself outside of the glass doors. Everyone was bustling around as they tried to resuscitate her husband, painful. His gown was ripped open and the paddles were placed on his chest, charged to 100…200…300…350. It was at least five minutes before the monitors started beeping properly again, and his heart rate returned to normal. Still unconscious however, with a nurse bagging him with am ambu bag, Meredith stood outside of the room sobbing as everything else was checked over carefully. His gown was replaced with a clean one and his body re-situated in the bed, as Meredith felt nausea surge up her esophagus. She couldn't get inside the room and the closest bathroom was in the nearest on-call room, so she dashed that way as fast as she could. Locking the door, she barely made it before she was retching over the toilet bowl, tears streaming down her face.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Derek wasn't supposed to be this way. He was supposed to go to DC, quit his job, move back home, and everything was supposed to be perfect. She couldn't deal with him being in a coma, coding, being in this much pain, still having the tube down his throat. This wasn't her husband that she knew and loved, this was some shell of Derek that she couldn't understand. It was true what they said, you didn't know what it was like until you were the wife in the waiting room, and suddenly Meredith was the wife in the waiting room.

Coming out of the on call room, she noticed it was all clear inside Derek's, and she slowly slid inside. His chest was rising and falling again, but she wondered how much of that was him and how much was the vent breathing for him. Taking some slow deep breaths and some sips of water, she started her bedside vigil again, and before she knew it she was falling asleep, her head slumped against the head rails of the bed.

* * *

Throughout the night Meredith kept waking up, from nausea and worrying Derek was going to code again. She tried to keep an eye on his machines but her eyes kept closing, sleep always won out. In the morning during rounds though, she was awake, but unfortunately there was no improvement on Derek. On the bright side, he hadn't gotten worse, which was a plus. Amelia was great and slipped her a cup of coffee as she came in the room for the day.

"I'm sorry I didn't spend the night," she said quietly, sitting next to her sister.

"I, ah, um. I sat in the chapel all night," she confessed, looking down. Amelia hadn't been faithful in years, but Meredith noticed her hands were clasped in her lap in silent prayer. She didn't say anything for a moment, but she then cleared her throat.

"Thank you, Amelia," she said softly, her eyes tearing up. Amelia teared up in return.

"He's my brother, besides you he's all I have," she said, her voice barely a whisper.

"He needs all the help he can get right now." She replied, looking at her battered brother in the bed next to her, tears slipping down her cheeks. Amelia never cried, but she was so afraid of losing Derek that she couldn't handle anything right now. Letting out a sob, she brought her hands up to her mouth. She had promised herself that she wouldn't cry; she had to be strong for Meredith, but how strong could she really be? She had lost her fiancée and her baby, she had almost lost her own life over the years, she had witnessed her fathers death, but through all of this Derek had been her rock. She didn't know how to live without the man who was her idol, her surrogate father, her big brother who she always tagged along with. She was the annoying baby sister who followed his footsteps everywhere, what would she do without him?

"I'm sorry Meredith," she quickly apologized, casting her eyes downwards. But Meredith surprised her by wrapping her arms around her. The pair had gotten off to a rocky start, arguing over Owen and not always liking each other, but Meredith recognized the need for them to be united and stop arguing over petty sisterly things. She pulled Amelia into her arms, the younger girl crying as Meredith tried to hold out strong.

"Shhhh Amelia, just try and be strong, he would want us to be strong for him," she said quietly, even though inside she was breaking down and shutting down completely. Amelia nodded in response, wanting to have a full meltdown as she assessed the monitors he was hooked up to. His vitals were stable, seemingly he was stable for now, but he was living from minute to minute, Meredith knew.

It was a few minutes before Meredith started to feel sick; a clammy feeling washed over her as nausea overcame her.

"I'll be back," she said as she pulled herself away from Amelia and rushed to the bathroom, the small amount of food she had earlier heaving up into the toilet. The loud fan of the bathroom muffled the sound of her vomiting, but she sat on the floor for a few minutes afterwards, feeling dazed before she could haul herself up, wiping off her face and coming out of the bathroom, curling up in the recliner next to Derek again.

"I think I'm just stressed," she breathed, as Carolyn entered the room with a beautiful bouquet of flowers to brighten up the boring ICU room. Meredith gave a small smile.

"Thank you," she said quietly, shrinking into her pile of blankets. There were also a few bags of her own clothes, some toiletries, and simple things like blankets from their house to keep everyone cozy and warm in the small ICU room.

"Of course Meredith, you're one of my children too." Meredith felt her heart flutter at that, giving her a quick smile. She had always like Carolyn, even if mothers made her nervous.

Snuggling under her blanket from home, she smoothed hair away from Derek's face, willing him to wake up, terrified he'd take a turn from the worse. But for now, the most she could do was hope, reinforced by prayers from Carolyn and Amelia

* * *

 **I'm sorry this took so long to get put up! Still struggling with my house but I have plenty of time to write now Chapter three should be up by the weekend! I hope you guys continue to like this rewrite and I promise more chapters and possibly even extending the story to include current storylines! Like Mer's Harper Avery!**


	3. Out Of The Woods

Derek was still in a coma four days later, although he was now breathing on his own. Meredith was going crazy; she had no idea what brain damage was happening to him or anything. She knew his internal injuries were healing but that was it. They did daily MRI's that showed brain activity, and she thanked god that he was at least okay in that area. But it was a daily struggle to keep up hope when she wanted to give up, when she didn't want to go on. How was she supposed to live in a world where the love of her life wasn't okay?

A week went by, before finally he showed signs of waking up. Meredith wasn't in the room; she had been coaxed downstairs by Amelia and Maggie to grab some food for a change, but came running when April paged her.

"What's going on!?" she cried out, rushing into his ICU room. Derek was groggy, his eyes still closed, but his breathing had quickened and he was emitting a low whine of pain.

"Owen walked in to check up and he was starting to wake up. Meredith, you know it can be hours still…"

"I'm not leaving," she said, planting herself in the recliner again, pulling her blanket from home up to her chin in the chilly room. He was comfortable in bed, piled under his favorite blanket, and she reached for his hand, the pad of her thumb rubbing over the back of it gently.

"Derek, please come back to me," she said quietly, hanging on by a thread at this point. She knew that when he woke up, he'd be in the hospital for weeks still, but she had to hold on to hope. As long as there was life, there was hope. She kept repeating it in her head until tears were running down her face, and eventually she cried herself back to sleep, her hand held in his.

* * *

It took over 24 hours for Derek to fully wake up, and Meredith drifted in and out of sleep the entire time, always checking on him. At times he seemed lucid, mumbling words in his deep slumber, but other times he was completely out. Just when she felt she couldn't take it anymore, his eyes started to open and she waited with bated breath. She had waited a week for this, to see if he would even woke up, and quickly she texted Amelia and paged whoever his ICU doctor was, and the neuro following his case. It was time to see what, if any, brain damage he had suffered.

"Derek, I'm here," Meredith cried, tears running down her cheeks as she stood at his bedside, holding onto his hands. Everything was fuzzy at first as his eyes fluttered open, and everything hurt immensely. He couldn't move his body parts, but he could hear Meredith close by. He tried to speak but his tongue was thick and dry, so instead he let out a moan of pain, which only served to make Meredith cry harder.

"Someone get him pain medicine," she ordered, not leaving his side for everything. Once the medication was in his system he felt more relaxed, but also excessively more exhausted, his eyes falling shut again. He wanted desperately to stay awake, to keep his eyes open and reassure Meredith, but for now he needed sleep. Defeated, Meredith sunk back into her chair and wiped away her tears, knowing she had to wait to see if he had any deficits from the coma.

* * *

A few hours later he finally woke up, the room sharper this time. Trying to sit up, he failed, but this time he got his lips moving.

"Meredith?" he said, and in a flash Mer was up, standing at his side.

"Derek," she breathed, the pair of them the only people in the room. Her eyes were flooded with tears as she took his battered hand, squeezing it tightly, trying not to hurt him too much.

"Oh my god Derek, you're here, you're alive. You can say my name," she sobbed, trying not to get too emotional, but for some reason her emotions had been heightened lately. She chalked it up to the accident and being more than a little upset over things.

"What the hell happened?" he said, raising the head of the bed and looking down at himself. Cast on one leg, one arm in a cast, one arm in a sling, multiple sutures, bruises, and of course, the bandage around his head. A breath caught in Meredith's throat as she realized she wasn't ready to talk about what happened, but he was asking.

"Do you have any recollection of that day, a week ago? Or anything at all?" she asked him, biting down hard on her lip. He closed his eyes, trying to wrack his brain.

"I was heading to the airport. The highway was backed up like usual, so I took my shortcut. I was on the phone with Amelia and I got disconnected from her, and then some car passed me going at least 90. Their car flipped and another car did as well, so I pulled over to help them both. Once they were safely in ambulances, I got back in my car and the next thing I somewhat remember was being in a hospital…but it wasn't here…" he said, his eyes flickering to meet hers. Her lower lip trembled as she sat down in her chair again, glad it was already turned towards the bed.

"You had a severe brain bleed. They weren't going to do a head CT but the resident pushed for it, hard, or else you wouldn't be here," she said, tears falling into her lap. It was the hard truth. As much as she didn't like anyone at Dillard, and would rather the entire place burn down, if that resident hadn't pushed as hard as she did, Derek wouldn't be alive.

"They saved your life. I had you transferred here because it's home, because you would have better care, because of a million reasons. And you might be beaten to a pulp but you're alive, Derek. And I'm no neurosurgeon but you can speak, you can think, you can do a lot of things, so I'm betting there's no deficit involved," she said, joy rising in her heart. She watched him as his eyes watered with tears, his fingers twitching as they tried to reach for her hand. She reached out for him and kissed his bruised hand.

"I love you so much, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't made it," she confessed to him, a million scenarios running through her head already. At that point, Owen came in the room, witnessing the two of them in a tender scene.

"Well Derek, it's nice to see you awake. I want to get another MRI just to make sure everythings okay, but we think you're out of the woods. Neuro should be in to do an exam as well, we just want to be as thorough as possible, you're our VIP patient," he smiled, signing off on the iPad on what he wanted done. Derek and Meredith had a bit more time together before he was taken away to MRI, upon which Amelia entered.

"So he's awake!?" she said breathlessly, having rushed out of surgery once she had gotten the text. Meredith's face crumbled into tears again as she nodded.

"He's awake, he's talking, he's fine. Just beaten up," she cried into her hands, wondering why she couldn't stop crying. Of course, it was a very emotional time for them all; of course she couldn't stop crying. Amelia sat down next to her and gently rubbed her back, taking deep breaths of her own.

"Meredith he's going to be okay. I have to convince myself of that still, but he's going to be okay," she told her, biting on her lip.

* * *

It was two hours before Derek came back, and Meredith had fallen asleep again, with Amelia rushing off to surgery again. He was groggy but awake as Meredith opened her eyes, smiling at the sight of her husband.

"Hey," she said softly, tucked under her pile of blankets.

"Hey," he said back, his eyes tired but filled with nothing but love for her.

"I wanted to talk to you about something important," he said, and Meredith sucked in a breath.

"What is it?" she said, dreading the answer.

"I think we should talk about my will, in case I don't end up making it." Immediately her eyes filled with tears.

"Derek I don't want to talk about this," she said, shaking her head no. This was the last thing she wanted to talk about, even if she knew it was something important.

"Mer…you know it's important and I think we should write it out," he told her a she bit her lip to keep from crying again. And so that was how they spent the rest of their day.

"Well, Bailey and Zola come into their trust funds when they turn 18. But if anything happens to us, I think Amelia should be responsible," she said softly. They didn't always get along, but she had a soft spot for his younger sister. She loved children, and she loved Bailey and Zola. She had a legal pad of paper in front of her, and she listed off their assets: bank accounts, houses, land, their shares of the hospital. It was tedious and the last thing she wanted to do, but she knew that he wanted it done. Hours later, his wishes were written out in her neat scrawl, and both of them signed and dated it, with Meredith noting that she'd get it typed up and notarized at a later date.

Resting back in the recliner, she burrowed under her blankets again.

"So how are you feeling now?" she asked him, leaning against her pillow. She'd set up camp in the ICU and she definitely wasn't moving for anything.

"Awful," he admitted. He couldn't move much and everything hurt, despite the pillows placed strategically so that he could try and be a bit more comfortable. She frowned and got up, trying to help him get more comfortable, but there was just only so much you could do with casts and a sling.

"I'm sorry I can't be more of a help to you," she frowned, retreating back to her chair. And indeed she was, curling up again as they sat there in silence.

"Comfort can come later, I'm just grateful to be alive," he told her, as she brushed the hair off his forehead. She choked up again, emotions getting the better of her for the umpteenth time that day.

"I am too," she told him, leaning over and kissing him gently on the lips. In a world where anything could happen, where he could have easily died, she was grateful for small miracles.

* * *

 **So, chapter three down!**

 **I read your feedback on Came to Dance, and I'm doing my best to update as often as I can. But PLEASE remember, I'm a very sick person, and I can't always update frequently, and some of your comments were hurtful because I cannot always update as frequently as I myself would like and I feel like I'm letting people down. But I finish an update and always start a new one – another update for another story will be started as soon as this one is posted!**

 **That being said, this is simply a rewrite because I'm not satisfied with how poorly I wrote Dreams on Fire. It's following the general storyline but the writing is better and some things I wrote will be changed, and it will most likely continue past where I ended Dreams on Fire. There will be no sequel, but things will be changed, and it will definitely be extended. I hope that answers some of your questions. Please keep reading and reviewing! I love writing for you guys. Please check out my new Omelia story, Falling Slowly! I'm going to have a lot of fun writing that one :D**


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